Does Your Teenager Suffer From Stress & Anxiety?

Is your teenager suffering from social pressures, anxiety about their grades and schoolwork, bullying, or lack of self esteem? Do you struggle to communicate with them? Communication is the key to understanding what they are going through and being able to give them the help they need and deserve. Here are 3 simple things you can do to start you and your teen on the path to an open line of communication and a healthy relationship.

As parents, it's easy to get caught up in day to day life and expect more from our teenagers than they have the ability to give.

Being a teenager is not an easy job! There's pressure to fit in, get good grades, excel at sports and extracurricular activities, plan for college, possibly work a job, conform to the rules we set as parents, navigate physical and psychological changes, and so much more. Unfortunately, many teens are not prepared to deal with everything that gets thrown at them when they enter middle school and high school. Navigating through these tough times takes life skills that most teenagers haven't learned yet. As parents, we spend money and countless hours teaching them how to play an instrument, play a sport, or get good grades. But how much time has been spent teaching them how to manage stress and pressure in a healthy way that allows them to be the beautiful young people that they are? Remember that little boy that used to jump in your lap and cuddle while you were reading to him? Your little girl who giggled uncontrollably over the silliest of things? They are still there and deserve to be taught the skills needed to grow and succeed in a way that is right for them. We just need to take the time and give them the space to do so. And these 3 steps are a great way to get started!

3 Simple Ways To Start On The Path To A Healthy Relationship With Your Teenager

1) Really Listen - You may be thinking, "I'm willing to listen but they don't want to talk to me" or "I've tried and all we do is argue." So, how do you listen when your teen won't open up or if they are combative? The first step is to give them a safe space to talk to you without any pressure, judgement, or negativity.

Start the conversation by saying something that lets them know you are ready to "really listen". For example: "You seem a little bit down lately, is there anything you would like to talk about? I would love to listen." If they don't want to talk, you can let them know that you understand and that it's okay. Be sure to let them know you are there if they change their minds. Give it time. Try asking again another day. Ask them, without pressure, what their reason is for not wanting to talk to you. Anything they respond with is an opportunity to have a conversation.

If they are combative while talking to you, let them know that you are sorry they are hurting and angry. Ask them what their reason is for responding the way they are. Be open to hearing their answer without judgement. Don't argue back or tell them how they should be acting. Remember, if they are talking to you, it's an opportunity to have a conversation.

Be patient but persistent. Give them time. Your persistence, without showing frustration or pushing them, will show that you really do care and are there for them in an open and loving way.

2) Have Fun Together - When was the last time you didn't worry about your to do list or your teenager's homework and simply had fun together? Remember when they were little and you spent most of your time focused on them? Going to the park, teaching them to ride a bike or throw a ball, reading together, doing puppet shows, playing with toys, and playing games? That time was spent connecting and creating a space that they wanted to be in with you.

Playing games, going for a walk, drawing, doing a craft, throwing a football / baseball around, going bowling or playing miniature golf, are all opportunities to connect in a way that is stress free and relationship building. Your teenager is not the same person they were. Take this time to get to know them. Talk about fun stuff. Be silly and goofy. Let them know they are still important to you and that you want to be a part of their life in a positive way despite the fact that you have to "parent" them. These times together also present opportunities for conversation. (See #1) Your teenager is more likely to open up when they are relaxed and the two of you are having fun together.

3) Allow Them Some Needed Time Off - How many times have you felt stressed and overwhelmed by the pressures of everyday life? Deadlines for work, the kids needing to be driven to their multiple activities, you have 5 missed phone calls and 15 emails to return, your car is due for service, bills need to be paid... The list goes on and on. How amazing is it when your partner steps in and offers to take something off your list? Or your plans for the night get cancelled and you have time to focus on getting your work done and going to bed early? Or your boss extends the deadline for your project by two weeks? It feels like you just hit the lottery!

Even if your teenager isn't as busy as you are and doesn't have the same responsibilities, it doesn't mean that they aren't overwhelmed. Sometimes the mental stress they are under is more exhausting than working a long day. If you sense your teen is overwhelmed, offer them some time off. Whether it's something little like telling them that they don't need to clean their room that week, or something big like giving them permission to skip a family event, the fact that you are recognizing that they need a break is a great way to let them know that you understand them. Take time to ask if they are overwhelmed. You can start by relating to them and then ask an open ended question. Then, truly listen to the answer. For example: "Sometimes my days feel never-ending. It's really stressful. Does it ever feel like that for you?" Or, "If I could take one thing off my to do list this week, I would love to... What would you take off your list?" If they will not open up, you can simply say, "You seem kind of stressed lately, how would you like to... (skip your piano lesson this week)?" Letting your teenager know that you respect their feelings and the stress and pressure they are dealing with is a great way to build a stronger relationship.

Remember your teen is still that little person you fell in love with and they are trying to find their way. They need the tools necessary to deal with the stress and pressure life throws at them. Life Coaching offers your teenager a path forward that is filled with happiness and success. For more information on how Life Coaching can help you and your teen, schedule a free consultation today. You both deserve it!

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